oh dear. Panic set in today and food went a little awry. Saw ruth. She hasn't eaten in ages. This made me both simultaneoulsy worry and be overcome by jealousy. Exams all known. Orals far too close. Don't want to eat/ Want to get thin. Don't want to fail exams. Wonder how long it would take to faint. Oh my god. I'm nervous.

How is it Thursday?

125kcal Cereal bar
96kcal pretzels
201kcal dried mango
149kcal baked crisps
140kcal soup
100kcal orange
811kal

Wednesday

Busy bumble bee today. Don't know how I managed to waste so much time... again. Got my summative back - 68 which I guess is ok given it was written in the mists of a crisis!! Then went to Croatian, which manjorally over ran, then French, then met Nat to talk about presentatin, then walked home, then met Beth and went to Gala coffee place with her, then walked to Elvet from year abroad meeting, then went to A56 for Russian lit talk, where I totally zoned out and did not concentrate on what the American was saying at all... but saw Mariana and Renfrew and Alex and asked Renfrew and Alex if I could see them for 5 mins -should see Renfrew Friday if he remembers and Alex on Monday for the essay. Then I went to boots, purchased a sandwich and a pack of shapers crisps, ate them - worked out it was only 350kcals and was happy - went to Ruths, chatted for an hour, walked back with ti menya zabud' playing on my phone which instantly makes me happier, got slightly misplaced and eventually got to Tescos... where I managed to spend a lot on very little. Rang Mike for carrying assistance, had soup and some snacks - but kept it under 1000 again :-) - that is the rule - tomorrow it moves to 400kcal. and now I'm taking a break, writing my Russian presentation notes - the others went to Albert street to watch TV. And with that.. time to refresh facebook.

Oh mon dieu!

Ok, so I'm sitting in Kristina's room, @ill@ so I can have a day to do some work, in a minor state that I have already put on weight - found some scales downstairs yesterday with Nick and Kristina which was momentarily the end of me, and already I have retransformed into an english psychopath. At breakfast, I asked for no meat.., that was a strong start - if you come to Russia you will see that hospitality sometimes stretches to the point of brute force and persuasion - and so I had the alimighty Russian grechka (probably cooked in oil and butter, but never mind...) then she slapped a wedge of cake infront of me - without sugar I am assured- instead it is made with smetana, which I am sure is most likeyl fattier than sugar... then had a few too many of the sugar covered biccies, which was my fault. And a banana. Then Julia went out, I proceeded to jump around, get a little hyserical and inflaly settle to my Flaubert work... then managed to finish wrtiting notes for the first section - and now have the book perched infront of me in hope that my throat will stop hurting and I'll find the enthusiasm to start working. For this I have given myself 15minutes. I figure that will be sufficient. Anyhoo. Thinking Iwould get out of lunch and setting myself up to find out just how much weight it is possible to destroy within a week, I heard the front gate go and lunch was most deffinatly dawning in it's black cloack. Anyhow it was soup and sausages with noodles and cheese. No nuritional value in sight, Julia ran off and I decided to ditch the sausage cheese concotion... in a bag in my wardrobe.. I could feel the grease on my hands. Then, having already eaten the soup, I was a little bit sick... well enough but not enough enough, and now I have a headache and a sore throat and puffy eyes. A sexy look, I can assure you. Anyhow now I am writing on here, and I shall let you into the fateful weight that I read upon the scales yesterday evening. 60KG. 

YES. 

That is right... 60KG. This morning a slightly less horrific, but all the still dangerous for mental stability 58kg. This still means that now I have a staggering 50lbs to lose. Least I can rest assured that a result will be seen!!

So as you can imagine I was in slight shock, thinking of h0w best to cut the fat from my arms and legs. It was new to my body and It was not welcome. Unable to secure myself a hospital room and the sufficient equipment I decided that I would just have to settle with dreaming to the food free future that would occur as of sunday after breakfast.  And thus we more on to the plan.

Wed 22- Already lost

Thu 23- Most likely lost

Fri 24- Most likeyl lost

Sat 25- Most deff lost (BBQ)

Sun 26- MARKS THE START OF FOOD FREEDOM AND THE BEGINNING OF AN ETERNAL FAST with the exception of diet coke these 5 foods... for the first 20 days 

Apple

Celery

Cucumber

Carrot

Blueberries

Shattered

Really tired. Work was tiring. Made a few mistakes but oh well. Walked a lot, scribbled a little, had a nice chat with Martha, and a funny phone chat with Gel, and Krak let me go home at 10. Suz did me a makeover and a facial - I was really impressed actually she was really good. Then made a massive chocolate error BECAUSE I'M SHIT. And went into school and saw Soggs and caught up FINALLY with Mme Béran - that was really nice :-) Overall my friends are great but I am a shit and I am fed up.

Vasanti wants to talk to my parents. Oh my god...

That doesn't need to happen...I eat. Ok so yesterday I didn't but this morning I had 2 bowls of Branflakes and 2 apples and I just had another bowl of branflakes, riveta and a 165kcal choc thing. I need to stop the 1am eating spree and just wait until the morning...

2300ish... why did I DO that. AGAIN.

Hello new April!!

Thank the lord it is a new month. Want a new month and I got me one. Let's not waste it, ok? Yesterday was interesting. London - UCL Waterstones is amazing... I'm lucky I didn't spend all day in there losing myself in the shelves. Walked around a lot. Ate a lot. Yes I know. No excuse. Twat - but let us leave the negativity in March. Now I have April 30, May 31, June 30 and July 24 to get there. And I am damn well going to do it.

115 DAYS.

Say I'm still 126lbs after the yesterday slip... 42lbs. Shit that is just under a stone a month. Say 12lbs a month and then 6lbs in July.

Yet I want to get a large slice done in Month one... I am aiming for my 108lbs target for the 1st May. That's 18lbs. 4.5lbs every 7 days. You really can't afford to screw up. You will hate yourself forever if you don't do it. You WILL DO THIS :-)

Not eating Today. Then nothing Thursday and nothing Friday nor Saturday. Then healthy things in small portions on Sunday to start the metabolism for Russia.