The jigsaw is coming apart

I'm falling to pieces. And I don't understand why. The only positive is the thought of eating makes me very on edge and so in 2 days I have gone from 9.2 to 8.12. 4 pounds is always a bonus. Unfortunatly I am a wreck who is destined to do rubbish in her russian exam tomorrow.

THE NEW START, THE LAST DAY

oK. tomorrow is the 25th of may... 2 MONTHS TO MY BIRTHDAY....

2 MONTHS AND 3 STONE.

Last yum meal, then that is it. A lot of diet coke and redbull light it is for me...

shit I'm scared

Russian music and Red Bull light are my guardian angels - or more Vasanti is my guardian angel and Red Bull light and Russian music are my citalopram support system. Scared about Russian soviet cinema exam. Tomorrow. Red lots. Don't remember much. Enough. Weight still in the 9 stone range. I find this terribly unfair.

2346... what is WRONG with me

twix 246
pasta 600
crunch 210
tuna sandwich 250
roll 200
flapjack 350
apple 70
banana 100
chocolate 250
carrots and humus 100

I SUCK

128 is 44 too many

ok so that didn't work again - at midnight the diet begins - yes, a diet - that is something that you are not allowed to break at all costs. maple syrup diet. some say that consuming syrup may not be considered a diet -but I beg to differ when It is the only think you consume in drink form. I would also like to point out that diet coke is now out of the questoin. Who would have thought mid exam revision this day would come

so i picked up the phone and tears answered today. but not pretty happy tears. ones that had been falling for a while and did not know how to stop their descent. so i put on my shoes and my pretty brown coat and ran until my chest hurt. Then mumbling to myself in french I went up to her room. She was on the phone, the tears were speaking less now and the voice had recovered. I do not know what to make of it all really

Tomorrow I have a plan = isn't that shocking. Pippa will never ever get to know you if you dont stick to this weeks plan. Move the doctor's appointment and you have a week to get stuck into the plan. This is how is is -

Monday - 8am library, La Douleur - read some, practice french, read more until about 1 when I order you to walk to elvet and wait in the right area. Drink the redbull light then 2.15 French Oral... after this have time to relax - beth, ruth... 5.15 walk to library - do 4 hours of croatian. ... 9.30 leave to go home... relax/ go to albert street? No food.

Tuesday - 8am Library -Croatian grammar, oral, vocab... 2.30 - leave to go to elvet... newcastle georgia, evening - film at albert street. No food. Maple syrup diet commences. I am not allowed more than 3 glasses a day.

Wednesday - Library 8am - DAY OF INTENSE RUSSIAN REVISION... Stay as long as you can manage- 8pm would be amazing. Maple syrup diet.

Thursday - Practice russian at home - maple syrup it up in the morning - 10.30 - be in elvet. Do exam. Get out dvds - 4, watch them in the afternoon and take notes on them.

Friday - Whole day in the library. Soviet Cinema. In break change over the films for another 2 for the weekend. 8-9 workies.

Saturay - 9 to 7 in library... then watch film.

Sunday - 9 to 6 in library... then watch film.

Monday - 8 in library. (In break change films) Stay until 6/8 depending. watch film

Tuesday - Repeat monday without break of film changing.

Wednesday - Repeat tuesday.

i do not know what to do.

do i eat. do i not eat? do i eat? do i not eat? do i eat? do i not eat? do i eat very small? do i eat nothing at all? will i concentrate? try it out tomorrow??? you have until 3 the following day!!!

your challange is to eat not a sole thing tomorrow. take a big bottle of liquid with you!!!

Im crap at this... bring on tomorrow

Ok. TODAY I ATEEEEEEEEEEEEE

2 pots of carrots and dip - 200kcal
pasta - 450
bread slice - 110
flump - 50
cereal bar - 190
apple - 80
baked - 150
dried mango - 200
some cashews - 250
some cheddars 200
1880

sugar disaster

this is really not going well!! today I ate... oh god wait for it...

apple
banana
flump
nutrigrain
milk icelolly thing
3 packs of tasters
6 sticks of kitkat
a yogurt
bean salad with pitta
cadbury chocolate bar
an options hotchocolate
a slice of white bread


I really don't want to eat on the weekend. Georgia said you could concentrate because you enter state of delirium - so I have 3 red bull for oral exam mornings. this is fine. PLEASE DO IT!! It has just gone midnight - every ever you may drink a hot chocolate.

if i eat after exams i will want to shoot myself

Yep. that's what I thought. FAIL

Ok... so I have eaten...

half a pack of carrots - 100kcal
2/3 of a pack of red grapes - 300kcal
baked beauties - 150kcal
a handful of shreddies - 100kcal
a handful of branflakes - 100kcal
5/6 pretzels - 50kcal max
dried mango - 200kcal
a biccie - 60kcal
a hotchocolate options - 35kcal
1095kcal

lets round that to 1200kcal today...

Why am I such a retard? Why can I never ever do this? What is wrong with meeeeeeeeeee.....

Time to fast

Ok I've read lots of sites that say there are cool health benifits of fasting, not just weight loss- and if done for more days concentration improves... SO DON'T EAT!!

thu
fri
sat
sun
mon
tue
wed
for the doctors - at least 7 pounds - which is in the 8 stone range again. phew!

major chocolate issues. sent card home. remember the cause. get under 9 stone get under 9 stone. do not buy food. fight the mind. it will not win.

Soup and Apples

There we go. If I find it hard to fast and concentrate, I can now eat apples and soups galore...

(600kcal 5am morning before start mishap)
300 Soup
400 Apples

7 day fast

It will happen